Skinny Love...

I am someone who dreams almost every night. While I wouldn't call myself a dream analyzer and I most certainly don't own a dream dictionary or anything, I tend to believe that dreams reveal important things about ourselves and our subconscious thoughts.

For example, growing up I would often have dreams about going to school naked. As a child, I also happened to never do my homework and often stressed about the next day at school. To this day when I have a dream where I show up in public naked, I know that I am subconsciously stressing about being unprepared for something.

For the last few years I have really wanted to lose weight. I am very picky and undisciplined, and I really struggle to eat healthy things. I also find that I am very busy and lack the time required to properly prepare low calorie meals and exercise.

This desire to lose weight has been in the forefront of my mind, especially in the past few months as I start to consider becoming pregnant. While that is awhile off, I really want to be at an ideal weight when I become pregnant so that I can be healthier for my baby. Still, I haven't been able to motivate myself.

Last week I tried putting together a collage of pictures that would help motivate me to eat healthier. You know, a collage of pictures that show good looking men and beautiful women that I could tape in my car and on the refrigerator (I got the idea from a young adult novel called The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things). I gave up because I couldn't find any girls I wanted to look like (they were either too skinny or too different looking from myself). I just couldn't visualize myself the way I wanted to look. I just knew I wanted to be skinnier.

Well, last night I had a dream. As in most dreams, the logistics don't entirely make sense, but in my dream I was looking myself as I looked when I got married. I was in a bathing suit and dark jeans and I was so skinny. I was skinnier than I have ever been (though not sickly). I woke up feeling inspired that I should look like that in real life. Being able to see me, myself at an ideal weight helped me to decide to go on a diet and to exercise everyday.

Today I spent a good deal of time on the internet looking up the nutritional facts of a lot of the things I eat and I have become convinced it is impossible to eat healthy without a lot of preparation (mostly because it is impossible to eat out and eat healthy). As a picky eater, this becomes very difficult for me (as I detest most fruits and veggies, and I hate-hate-hate left overs). I decided that I have to just buck up and get over it. Eating isn't for enjoyment...it is for energy.

Why do I tell you this? Well...I guess for support. I would love any suggestions you have and if you are someone that I hang out with, maybe you could help me stick with it.

I am a vampire...and I have lost my fangs!

So...I know it has been a long time since I have updated. Sorry. I'll try to be better.

I am becoming increasingly frustrated. What is the source of this frustration, you ask? Well, let me tell you. We are now less than five months away from the theatrical release of Twilight: Eclipse and we have yet to have a teaser trailer. What's worse is that Summit has only released a single still from the film. No stills, no posters, no trailers...what is a Twilight news follower to do?

Let me give you a bit of information on why this might bother me so much. For Twilight: New Moon, Summit released the teaser trailer six month prior to its release, and it was actually a pretty good teaser...as in it was over a minute long. Summit also released the first official poster for Twilight: New Moon six months before it came out. Obviously, Summit is way overdue for some new fun stuff for Twilight: Eclipse. My patience is running out.

In other news, this year I decided to try and follow a television show. For those of you who know me, you know that I hate watching weekly television. It is too frustrating. The show takes random weeks off or goes away for over a month (on hiatus). Or you will fall in love with a show only for them to wait until the last minute to cancel it, leaving the entire series with a cliff-hanger ending. Then when you email the network to tell them how rude that is, they send a generic "We are too busy to respond," response so you don't watch that network again...ever (or at least 4 years and counting). Yeah, obviously this has happened to me.

I should say it isn't ALWAYS the network's fault, sometimes life gets in the way. Like you have to chaperon a dance for junior high schoolers, or you have parent teacher conferences, you know...the usual, that cause you to miss the show on the assigned night. Or your internal clock sucks and every Thursday your mind goes, "Bing! It's Thursday!" Then you look at the clock only to find out that it is 8:05, 5 minutes after your show ENDS! Yeah, that has happened to me the last three weeks.

Clearly, not the best at following a weekly television show, though I must say that the internet has made it easier. Unfortunately for me my show of choice is on the CW which waits about 5 days before posting the show. Oh well, at least I get to see it before I watch the next weeks (on the internet five days late because I forgot again). Haha.

I was weary to tell people what show I have become hooked on for fear of over generalizations being made about me, but since I haven't missed an episode this season, I figure I am an official fan and might as well make it known.

I am watching The Vampire Diaries on CW. Now since I have a semi-obsession with Twilight (primarily because of my appreciation of the books and beautiful Robert Pattinson), I worry that people will think I am obsessed with all things vampire...and that is simply not the case. I suppose the reason I have been into vampires as of late is because there have been major changes in the genre. Instead of taking, taking, taking, these new vampires give and refrain. I guess I am an old mushy romantic. I like the idea of a guy waiting hundreds of years to find one girl to love. These vampires are major protectors and are always around shielding and loving. I don't know...I must have some deep rooted desire to be adored and worshiped by a man that makes this concept appeal to me. Regardless...it does. I know that if I ever met one of these such creatures in real life I should run as fast as possible, but I like it in theory.

So here's to Summit releasing a trailer for Eclipse and for the universe to align for me to be able to watch The Vampire Diaries (though that won't be happening this week as I have to...you guessed...chaperon a dance).